Episode Summary
Yesterday I found myself on the verge of dipping into another low. In this episode I share why I think that was and how I started to deal with it. Fortunately the decline was intercepted and I managed to avoid sinking down. I explain how.
Episode Show Notes
00:12 – Yesterday’s episode was really bad – it was rushed, ill-conceived and poorly delivered – (for that I apologise) but there was a reason.
00:50 – An explanation for what went on yesterday for me has its roots in Episode 126 Other Things That Need Fixing After Struggling With Depression.
01:11 – I am finding I am saying “I can’t because it is difficult” and “It’s difficult because I can’t” – that’s not helping.
01:23 – I am overwhelmed, my drive seems to have diminished and I seem to be going backward after making so much progress.
02:09 – Yesterday everything came to a head and I found myself in a state of learned helplessness again.
03:01 – I woke up this morning in the same state and just wanted to hide from the world.
03:09 – I had to get up because my new girlfriend was expecting a call from me.
03:24 – When I looked at myself in the mirror I kept saying to myself “It’s only a thought…It’s only a thought…” It worked briefly but I just allowed the mood to take over again.
04:00 – I had to speak to my girlfriend and I had three options:
- Avoid talking to her at all and revert to my cave.
- Talk to her but put on “The Mask” and hope `i can bluff my way through convincing her I am ok.
- Be honest and share how I am feeling with her.
04:48 – Even though I have shared with her how I have felt in the past, that was from being in a relatively good state talking about the past. Sharing from within the feelings is completely different.
05:55 – When I did speak to her, she picked up on my voice there was something wrong and so we ended up talking about it.
06:29 – Talking about how I am feeling diminished the feelings and helped unravel some of the distortion my thinking creates when it just swirls around inside my head without any outlet.
06:53 – As a result of the conversation I was able to pick myself up again and get on with things.
07:29 – I am not sure what the issue is. It does feel like I am going backwards at the moment when I compare it to the progress I have made this year.
07:50 – Perhaps all I need to do is get a kick up the backside and just man up!
