Episode Summary
In today’s episode I share my experience of someone asking me a very simple question. I describe how it made me feel and why it made me feel that way.
Episode Transcript (Edited)
Hi and welcome to today’s episode of Hope, Help, Happiness.
Today I want to talk about something that really does make a difference. When you’re struggling with the challenges facing your mental wellbeing, there’s something very, very simple that can have a big impact
It’s when people show that they care, even if they don’t have to. The empathy and compassion from another human being taking some time to show an interest in you and your struggle can’t be underestimated in the power it can have.
Today I went back to the doctors because I’ve had a tickly cough ever since I was sat facing the doctor to explain the challenges on my birthday. It’s been persistent throughout that time and so I needed to get it sorted out.
I’ve had some x rays done which were clear and so I found myself back in the GP’s surgery waiting room. This is not a happy place for me. I’ve been there three times this year. The first time was when I wanted to take my own life. The other two have been follow up appointments form that.
I’ve been to the Doctors more times in the last 3 months than I have in the last 10 years!
Siting in the waiting room was uncomfortable, especially as the doctor was 20 minutes late in seeing me. I don’t know whether that’s normal but it does add to the angst of sitting somewhere where you don’t really feel comfortable.
I’d not seen the doctor who eventually called me into the treatment room before. When I sat down, the first thing he said was, “How’s things?”
It took me by surprise initially because I was expecting just to go in there and share the symptoms of my cough to him.
So I said to him, “Do you mean generally, or do you mean about my cough?”
His response – “No, let’s talk about your mental health”
I told him I was feeling positive and gave him a quick summary of my experience with the NHS and the huge amount of time it took to get lined up for treatment that won’t be happening for at least 5 months now.
He was shocked by the delay.
When we were talking I felt two conflicting emotions. The first one was the stigma sensation and the fact he could see from my history, from the records on his computer screen that I had problems. It was his job to ask.
But it felt like I am now permanently scarred with that information sitting on his computer. It felt that I can never live this down. I felt flawed because of it. And it felt like there’s now a degree of permanence to the situation because it’s in black and white on someone’s computer.
So that was my initial reaction.
I think I’ve talked in a previous episode about why I have a stigma attached to struggling with mental well being issues.
However this doctor was genuinely interested. I know he’s doing his job and probably sees hundreds of patients a week. I’m sure I’m just another face that comes through with another set of medical records he has to review and add to.
But in short time I was with him, I felt cared for. I felt that someone was taking an interest in how I was, albeit a professional interest but nevertheless it was still an interest in me.
It still made me feel cared for and it had a big impact on me.
You can talk about that as a concept, but until you’ve actually been on the end of it, you can’t really appreciate the impact that such a small gesture like that can have, even if it was part of his job.
I’m still struggling with the stigma aspects of it and I think that’ll take me a long time to to deal with. But even with that, any sense that someone cares is just another reason to keep on going.
So simply asking “How’s things?” of someone who you think could be struggling might just be the opening of the door to allow them to express how they are truly feeling. It might be the first step to enable them to go and seek the help they need.
If you asked me at this moment in time, I’ll say everything’s fine and not to worry about me. But that’s the place I’m at. However, until you ask you’ll never know.
There’s no harm in saying, “Are you okay?” to anyone at any time.
Until tomorrow.
