Episode Summary
In this episode I share how I discovered a really simple and really easy to apply technique that has begun to shift me out of my learned helplessness.
I explain who I got it from, where I found them and where you can find them too. I talk about how I have used that technique and the dramatic effect such a simple thing has made on my progress. And of course I share the technique with you too.
Episode Transcript (Edited)
Hi and welcome to this episode of the Hope, Help, Happiness podcast.
Today I want to share with you something that has really helped me in starting to move forward. Because of it I’m starting to feel I’m taking back control of my body, my life and making progress. And I want to share that with you and explain to you where it came from.
I think this is a really powerful approach and has been a really powerful start for me on the road to recovery. And if you are listening to this and you’re completely overwhelmed by the challenges you face like I am then this will help you too. For example, just a few days ago I was just stuck under my duvet because I couldn’t get out of bed. I’ve found myself not being able to do what I wanted to do because I just couldn’t seem to break through the resistance and the reluctance I had to move forward. Well if you are experiencing those things, then this I believe will really, really help you.
So what is it?
Well, let me first tell you where it came from.
About a week ago I was on YouTube trying to find videos to help me. I was going from one video to the next video to next video searching for any answers that might help me. I came across a video from the Impact Theory series. A guy called Tom Bilyeu has a video podcast where he interviews very successful people and taps into the strategies they recommend for whatever their specialisation or interest is.
And there’s been some amazing people on this podcast. Just about all the luminaries from the personal development world, the business world and the creative world have appeared on his show. So it’s quite a hard hitting show. What attracted me to this particular episode, because I’ve watched a couple of episodes now, was the thumbnail on the YouTube listing which had the headline:
Now the rich word wasn’t the word I was drawn to. It was the word suicide. I’ll explain why. One of the things I’ve discovered trying to develop myself is that it’s okay reading the theory books by people who say you should do this if you want to achieve X, Y, Z. But when you read how someone who’s actually has done X, Y, Z, I think the lessons are far more powerful.
This is especially so if you resonate with the individual concerned or if there’s something you share in common. The thumbnail might’ve just been clickbait. When you see these things you never know. As it turned out, it wasn’t.
The video also had this strap line: 4 things To Do Everyday If You Want To Be Happy, Healthy and Wealthy. That wasn’t as exciting for me to read, but it did give me an idea what would be covered. The interview was with a guy called James Altucher. So I watched the video and was impressed with him.
Let me just give you a quick summary of who this guy is. I’ll quote from the “About The Author” section in his book “Choose Yourself” that is discussed in the video. I’ve read the book. It’s a good book with a lot of great stuff and I’m probably going to do a more detailed review of it later on.
Here’s his authors biography from the book:
“James Altucher is a successful entrepreneur, chess master, investor and writer. He’s started and run more than 20 companies and sold several of those businesses for large exits. He has also run venture capital funds, hedge funds, angel funds, and currently sits on the boards of several companies. His writing has appeared in most major national media outlets. His blog, which is ww.JamesAltucher.com has attracted more than 10 million readers since its launch in 2010 and the book, Choose Yourself is his 11th book.”
So that’s a little bit about him which is the standard sort of blurb you’ll find at the back of any book. But what I discovered in the video is this guy has made a lot of money and lost it twice. He’s been divorced, he’s been through all sorts of challenges and he’s been at the point of suicide. And listening to his story, where he was at that point in his life is where I am now. And so I really related to what he was saying.
He talks about 4 things to do everyday in what he basically calls his daily practice. He says to have the foundations of a fulfilling, rewarding life you need to have strength on what he calls your 4 bodies: your physical body, your emotional body, your mental body, and your spiritual body.
He says all you need to do is just improve 1% every single day across those four areas. And if you do that, the constant improvement will have a dramatic effect on the quality of your life. Not only in those four areas, but across the whole of your life.
That message resonated with me and though I understood it, it’s not a new concept. There are lots of people who talk about this concept and never ending improvement process. This is similar to the marginal gains approach popularised by Sir David Brailsford and the GB Track Cycling Team that has dominated the sport for the last 10 years.
However, what was powerful for me is he acknowledges that sometimes you’re completely overwhelmed, as he was in his life, and you can’t see the wood for the trees. You can’t work out how you’re going to get out of the predicament you find yourself.
When that is true for you, just do something small. Start with something small. Now, ironically, I have been thinking about this myself over the last few months when I realised I’d been overwhelmed by trying to do things that were too big for me.
I’d just left that as an idea but now seeing someone who’s been there and done it, and actually proved it works helped me realise the importance of this as a process.
James recommends a daily practice with each of the four bodies – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. But he recognises that if you are feeling overwhelmed and are suffering from Learned Helplessness, then there’s an easier version.
To explain it in his book, he tells a story about how he discovered this concept. His wife had been trying to get him to floss his teeth for a long time, but he kept resisting.
Then he went to a friend’s talk about happiness and developing habits. His friend used the example of flossing teeth. To develop the habit of flossing regularly, don’t just start flossing all your teeth, just floss one tooth.
That’s all you have to do in the beginning. Make a small commitment. Anyone can floss one tooth. It takes a second to floss one tooth. And that’s where you start.
On day 2 you might still just floss one tooth. But on the third day you’re intending to just floss one tooth but you might suddenly think “well let me just try another tooth as well”. And then you start flossing two teeth. Eventually you’ll get into the habit of flossing all your teeth.
Now in his book, he lists a whole range of things that you could use instead of flossing. He merely uses that to describe how he discovered the process. The important thing to realise is that it does not matter what you choose. It isn’t about flossing. it is about starting with anything you can do that is really small and very easy. Once you being to do the easy steps, you’ll build up the energy, inclination and strength to do slightly more demanding things.
Back to my situation. Recently I’ve been suicidal. I’ve been low. I’ve been struggling with learned helplessness. So what could I start small? Here’s what I chose and how it worked for me.
I have realised my physical health needs to be in top form. Because if I’m not in a good shape, I’m not going to be able to have the energy or the drive or enthusiasm to be able to put the effort into moving myself forward. That’s where I need to start.
Over the years I’ve done all sorts of exercise including yoga and martial arts. I have kept myself in pretty good shape. But over the last eight or nine months, I’ve let myself go where I feel dreadful. I have no energy. I’m stiff. I’m aching and I’m no where near the physical shape I have been in the past. I’ve got to the point where it’s hard for me to go and do physical exercise.
Now in the past I had a morning routine doing a series of five yoga type stretches, 21 times each together with 30 minutes of meditation. I stopped doing that regularly about 8 months ago. I know it works because that routine kept me in good shape when I was bothering to look after myself.
I decided I would get back to doing that morning routine. But because I have been feeling totally overwhelmed and dealing with learned helplessness, rather than starting with 21 repetitions of each exercise, I thought I’d just do one repetition of each. This took me less than 30 seconds.
Rather than meditate, I tried just doing one breath. That’s all I did on the first day
But the following day I did three repetitions of each of those exercises.
The day after that I did four repetitions.
The day after that I felt like shit. I couldn’t be bothered to do anything and I’d got stuck in another rut feeling overwhelmed and helpless. But I knew I needed to do something, so I just got out of bed and barely did one of each. But I did it.
I actually did the exercises properly the following day. I did three again the day after. The following day I think I was still feeling low so I just did one again. Then the following day I did three again.
Then what happened is I started to do the exercises properly and more fully. I’d originally started barely doing the pose at all but now I was beginning to relax deeper into them and take more time. As I re-discovered how good they felt I started to do more. This morning I’ve just done them and I’ve increased the number to seven repetitions.
It doesn’t sound much, but it’s a huge step forward for me and I’m starting to enjoy and feel the benefits of the exercises and the deep breathing I’ve incorporated too. I’m only doing six deep in and out breaths at the moment and ultimately, I want to get back to meditating. But one step at a time eh?
I will get there, but even this small amount of effort has had a compound effect on me because I’ve been able to take control of part of my life and demonstrate a tiny bit of self-discipline. It’s only a small glimmer of hope at the moment, but it’s a start and there’s been a knock on effect.
I’ve looked to other areas that I can do something similar. I’d realised when I was out of bed I was just reacting to the day. This meant it was so easy for me to get knocked off track because I was never on it in the first place. It also meant I was far more susceptible to succumbing to the distractions of Amazon Prime Video or meaningless internet surfing.
So now I’ve been planning my day the night before.
It’s had a remarkable affect on guiding my focus and giving me something to work towards, even if I had only planned relatively easy tasks to do. But I have been making progress. More importantly I am starting to feel better about myself when I achieve something. And I am more optimistic that I might be able to work my way out of the predicament I have created for myself.
I’ve still got a long way to go, but it’s made a difference. It’s just the first step. Now I will start building these habits up starting small. Slowly they’ll become part of me and part of who I am. I can see that.
So that’s what I want to share with you today. It’s a very small technique, but it’s really powerful.
All you need to do is just pick something simple. It could be just going for a short walk. You could start by just putting your walking shoes on, walking around the garden and coming back. That’s the start. Then maybe tomorrow you might walk around the garden twice.
Then the day after, you might not want to bother at all. Just put your shoes on, step out the door and come back in. That’s okay. You’ve made an effort. It doesn’t have to be the same every day. Simply develop the discipline of doing something.
You’ll get better every day. You just have to keep making an effort. Sometimes the effort will be small. Sometimes the effort will be massive and slowly you’ll start nudging your way gradually to more and more of that.
As you start to feel the benefits of your actions and feel the achievement of taking that action (which is more important) you’ll start to feel better about yourself.
That’s what I’m experiencing right now just by doing a couple of simple stretches in the morning. There’s also the compound effect on other areas of my life and I’ve noticed I’m more positive, relatively speaking.
And that will happen for you as well. I’m quite excited by this and I’m excited for you as this will be the start of us both moving forward.
Until tomorrow…
