Episode Summary
A couple of days ago I posted an episode that looked at my resistance to healing. Well in those days NOTHING has changed. In this episode I reflect on that and share my thoughts with you about it.
Episode Transcript (Edited)
Hi and welcome to today’s episode of Hope, Help, Happiness.
Today I just want to talk about something I’ve alluded to in a previous episode. In episode 045, I talked about being caught between a rock and a dark place. I was exposing my resistance to healing. Well that was three episodes ago and nothing has changed since then.
I’ve done an episode on honesty related to my counselling session. I did an episode yesterday about a playbook idea I had having been inspired by Devon Still’s account of coaching his daughter to deal with cancer.
At the moment it feels like this podcast has drifted. It’s meandering its way through a number of related subjects. But it’s not just the podcast, I seem to have lost my momentum in terms of applying myself to my own healing.
Why? Well, I’m just busy being busy.
Once I got back into a more positive frame of mind and back into doing things it feels as though the impetus on moving forward has been lost.
This is because things are okay. They don’t hurt as much anymore. I get the occasional blip now and again, but things are sort of all right.
What I realised is this is a dangerous place to be. I have previously deluded myself I’ve been healed because of feeling this way before. But the reality is I am still completely susceptible to being dragged back down into those dark places that I just don’t want to go again.
Things are looking up, they are positive. I’m looking after myself. I’m doing things again. I’m able to start functioning again. But I still have not moved myself any further forward in terms of healing.
Now it might be I’ve hit a natural plateau in my approach to healing myself and I’ve just levelled off for a while. That happens when you’re developing skills and knowledge. To deal with what I’ve got to deal with is the development of a skill. There’s no doubt about that.
Maybe I’m just at the stage where I’m consolidating the progress I’ve made in nearly seven weeks now.
But the point is I can’t stay here.
It’s okay having ideas. It’s okay me sharing some thoughts about what’s going on, but I’m not actually in the arena dealing with the stuff I have got to deal with.
I’m just on the side lines looking at things I could do.
There’s one or two things I’m doing like the Wim Hof method with the cold showers and breathing exercises.
I’m looking after myself. I’m meditating, but it feels like I’m in a holding pattern.
If I let them drop, when I don’t do them I become more susceptible to feeling low again as I saw last week.
So I’ve got to pull my socks up and start doing something and I’m not quite sure what I need to do or how it’s going to happen.
I just know it needs to happen.
So that’s my thoughts for today.
Until tomorrow.
